Arguing With Troubled Teens

At Abundant Life Academy we teach our student leaders to refrain from arguing.  More importantly, we show them why they should not argue, especially with their parents.  Troubled teens that argue get more of what they don't want, and less of what they are looking for.  We call it the state of "less than zero".  A former arguing teen is is happier teenager who really has a knowledge of the disadvantages of arguing and the determination to refrain from arguing.  Parenting a teen who argues is almost impossible to parent.  Therefore, a major element of the Abundant Life Academy is to teach our students to be "emotionally intelligent", which teaches students alternatives to arguing.  Arguing destroys the parent - child relationships.  Children learn to argue, so they can unlearn it as well.

Secular-based programs believe that most teenagers quarrel with their parents, and its healthy. The teach that children and parents argue as much as married couples. Luckily, it is extremely unlikely that arguing during teenage years will cause family relationships to break down permanently. Secular boarding schools for troubled teens teach that conflict, although frequent, is generally less serious than people think. They claim that some researchers see arguing as a positive event. Secular therapeutic boarding schools teach that when young people argue with their parents they are learning the art of negotiation, an essential social skill for later life. Teenagers certainly seem to know how far they can push their parents and insubordinant children arguing is never a healthy activity. Securlar training actually teaches that when troubled children see they are near breaking point they usually back off.  If you are looking for a Christian boarding school where "submission to authority" is taught openly and without apology.  We never force or even compel our students to submit to authority.  We teach them why (advantages of submitting to authority) and then give them the opportunity to submit or not submit.  The natural consequences of both are very real.

Fights can be upsetting. I need some space…Children need to make boundaries between themselves and their parents if they are to become adults. They want to be free of their parents' control and take charge of their own life. One of the first signs of change many parents notice is that their children start to withhold information from them. This can be hard for them to cope with after years of being fully responsible for everything that happens in their child's life. They can be reassured that research indicates most teenagers still value their parents opinion and will turn to them for help when they are in trouble.

You're not going out in that! Teenagers often see things quite differently to their parents, and this can cause arguments. Adults would see an issue such as the clothes their children should wear, for example, as a matter of convention. They understand that there are certain rules people follow. For a teenager, this is a straightforward matter of personal freedom. To them, wearing what they want to, without reference to anybody else, is a sign of their independence and maturity. Why could teenage rebellion be a sign of a healthy personality? Something to think about.

adapted from

BBC Science & Nature